Therapists

Today I just want to say what a con psychotherapy and psychology are. Psychologists for the most part wander around in their own little bubble applying their own little warped theories to whoever happens to come into their view. Most psychological claptrap is based on non evidence based theories which happen to scuttle into the minds of  mental health based psychologists and is supported by experience based theories which are bordering on the banal at best.

Onwards

I have now calmed down from the mental period and in fact I feel quite good. So I have reached the decision to cut down on the medication, just the Risperidone and I will do it properly not all at once. Little else to report. I will try and blog a bit more because that helps me judge my moods. Oh well onwards and upwards..................

Mentaler

I haven't posted in a while because I've been ill. I've got a chest infection and unfortunately it made me mentaler for a while but it's settling down now with the antibiotics and everything is less mental. The chest infection affected me by making my voices worse - instead of it just being comments and stuff it's a running commentary on what I am doing and command type messages which aren't very nice. When you are feeling poorly anyway it's hard to sort your thoughts out and easy just to go with the flow and follow the commands, luckily I seem to have avoided serious harm to myself or anyone else. I also saw the spaceships again, dancing in the sky, but when no one else sees them and it's not on the news or anything you begin to wonder what you really did see. Perhaps it's only me that can see them, they have a message for me but I'm not smart enough to sort it out yet.

Anyway that's me for now - I am trying to write some longer, interesting posts but I keep scrubbing them as they seem so boring.

Voices 3

I find it hard to concentrate on one thing for very long and I also find it hard to describe thoughts and feelings in any sensible way - hence my last post. But I am trying right now to address this and I'm trying to share my thoughts and feelings with you - hence this post.

Right now I'm tired, tired of listening to voices all the time, tired of fighting. It would be easier to give in and just do what they say and then the whole thing would be over. It's very hard to be strong all the time and sometimes giving in seems so enticing. I think all the time of reasons not to give in but increasingly those reasons pale into insignificance and so seem futile. I try to distract myself - a hundred and one different ways but in the end they seem silly and pointless. So I am left with what the voices say and at the moment they seem so seductive. Can you hear them too? Surely it can't be just me......

But no, I won't give in - no matter how tired I am - I can think of one more distraction, one more way to fight so I will carry on.

Bad

I can't write long involved posts that describe my every thought and feeling. Sorry. I'm a bad blogger

Wavelength

Another day another dollar or so the saying goes. I am doing OK today, nothing adverse to report really except the stupid thoughts that appear in my brain. Difficult to explain is this - but the best I can come up with is that I am picking up others thoughts. I must be super sensitive to what others are thinking. The worst thing is that these thoughts are fragments and don't make sense very often. I can be thinking about something mundane like, say, doing the ironing then a totally unrelated subject such as pencils will jump into my head. This makes it difficult to concentrate and retain trains of thought. I've read stuff on the web about implants and things which people have placed in their heads but I don't believe those theories at all. I think I am programmed to pick up these snippets and that one day when I am on the right wave length I will be able to make sense of them. Until then they are just extra headnoise.

Severity

Not been as good today - managed to function though.

Severity of mental illness is an immeasurable thing, why do Crisis Teams and the like think they can measure it? I have been told my mental illness is severe - what I want to know is what they are comparing it to. I have lost my job and nearly my marriage, what about someone who has lost their home - Is that more severe? Too often clinicians tell you (or not) how severe things are. I'd like to know what they are using as a baseline. Surely all mental illness is severe - no two cases are alike.